How to Help when Someone is Bereaved
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When someone you care about loses a loved one, it can feel like you’ve been handed a script in a language you don’t speak. You want to help. You want to say something meaningful. And you definitely don’t want to make things worse. So how do you help when someone is bereaved?
Here’s the thing: supporting someone through grief isn’t about perfect words or grand gestures. It’s about showing up in whatever beautifully human, slightly awkward way you can.
As a celebrant (and someone who has held space for a lot of families in heartbreak), I’ve seen how kindness, presence, and tiny acts of care can make a world of difference. So here’s a guide to help you feel more confident showing up for someone who’s grieving.
What to Say (When Nothing Feels Quite Right)
Talking to someone who’s grieving can feel like walking across a wobbly rope bridge. There’s no need to overthink it—poetic wisdom isn’t required, and nothing needs fixing. Being real is what actually helps.
A few things that genuinely help when someone is bereaved:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Simple. Honest. You can’t go wrong.
- “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” A gorgeous truth when you’re lost for words.
- “Your person mattered. Tell me about them?” Magic. People want to say their loved one’s name out loud.
- “I’m thinking of you today.” Gentle, especially after the initial rush of support has quietened.
And a gentle reminder: avoid clichés like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason.” Grief doesn’t need silver linings — it needs presence.
You can also affirm their strength without rushing them:
- “You will grieve for as long as you need to, but you are a strong person and will find your way through this.”
It acknowledges the reality of their pain and gently reminds them they will get through it, in their own time.
Practical Support (AKA: The Unsexy but Utterly Helpful Stuff) that helps when someone is bereaved
When someone is bereaved, even small everyday tasks can feel like climbing a mountain in gumboots. Practical help is often the most grounding thing you can offer.
Try things like:
- Dropping off a meal that can be frozen (bonus points if it doesn’t require an instruction manual).
- Picking up groceries or doing a click-and-collect run.
- Walking the dog, feeding the cats, watering the plants — all the “life admin” that keeps going even when the world feels like it’s stopped.
- Driving them to appointments or sitting with them while they make funeral decisions.
- Taking the kids out for a few hours so they can cry, nap, or stare into space without tiny humans asking for snacks.
If you say, “Let me know if you need anything,” they probably won’t. Grievers don’t tend to delegate chores. Instead, try something specific: “I’m going to the supermarket — can I grab you some basics?” Small, clear offers make a huge difference.
Emotional Support (The Heart Stuff)
Supporting someone emotionally doesn’t mean you need to become their unofficial therapist. Think of yourself as a soft place to land.
Ways to offer emotional support:
- Listen more than you speak. A sympathetic ear is often more valuable than advice. Let them repeat stories — grief loops are normal.
- Sit in silence. Silence isn’t awkward here; it’s sacred.
- Let them cry. Don’t rush to hand them a tissue as if tears are inconvenient.
- Check in regularly, even with tiny messages like, “You crossed my mind today.”
- Avoid judgments. You can’t speed up their healing, and phrases like “It’s time to move on” or “At least they lived a long life” don’t help.
Your job isn’t to cheer them up. It’s to keep showing up, listening, and understanding.
Respect Their Grieving Process
Grief is deeply personal. Some people want to talk; others don’t. Some need distractions; others find them unbearable. Let your friend or loved one take the lead.
Helpful approaches:
- Follow their cues and don’t take it personally if they pull away at times.
- Offer flexibility in invitations. If they’re joining a holiday gathering, allow space for them to honour their loss.
- Ask rather than assume whether texts, calls, or visits are easiest for them.
Thoughtful words to say instead of rushing or judging:
“Take your time. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this must be, but I’m here for you.”
Bring Comfort in Small Ways
Tiny gestures can mean everything when you want to help someone who is bereaved. Thoughtful gifts provide something tangible to hold, wrap up in, or reflect on during the hardest days:
- A soft blanket for when getting out of bed feels impossible.
- A journal to write down thoughts and memories.
- A framed photo of their loved one.
- A candle to light in remembrance.
- A rose bush to plant in the garden.
Even remembering tricky dates, like the month mark of the death, can be a supportive gesture. Mark it on your calendar and acknowledge it if it feels appropriate — grief doesn’t have an expiry date.
As Time Goes On (Because Grief Doesn’t Have an Expiry Date)
After the funeral, after the visitors go home, after the meals stop arriving — this is when your support becomes gold. People often feel forgotten just as the deep ache settles in.
To truly help when someone who is bereaved……keep checking in:
- Remember important dates — birthdays, anniversaries, holidays — and gently acknowledge them.
- Invite them out for a walk or a cuppa, even if they’ve said no a few times. The invitation itself is a form of love.
- Share memories or photos of the person who died. It reassures them that their loved one still exists in the world.
- Keep saying their name. It never stops meaning something.
The goal isn’t to “move them on” — it’s to walk beside them as life slowly expands around the loss.
Personal Anecdote: How to Help when Someone is Bereaved
When my dad, Ogmore, and my (step) dad, Jimmy, passed away within two months of each other at the end of 2025, I learned firsthand how grief messes with your brain, your time, your energy — everything. People would text me the loveliest, most thoughtful messages… and sometimes it took me weeks to reply. Not because I didn’t care, and not because their words didn’t land. They did. In fact, I was checking my phone regularly.
Every ping, every “thinking of you,” every tiny check-in felt like someone reaching out through the fog. Even when I didn’t have the capacity to type anything back — not even an emoji — those messages mattered. They made me feel held. They reminded me that the world hadn’t disappeared under my feet, even though it felt like it had.
So if someone you love is grieving and they don’t reply… don’t assume your message wasn’t appreciated. Sometimes those quiet little check-ins are the thing that keeps a person going. Keep sending them. They’re more powerful than you think.
Conclusion & Support: How to Help when Someone is Bereaved
Grief will touch all of us at some point, and while we can’t prevent the blow, we can hold each other through it with tenderness, humour, honesty, and those perfectly imperfect human gestures that make life bearable.
If you or someone you love is navigating a loss — or planning ahead for end-of-life wishes — you don’t have to do it alone. This is the work I’m called to do. As a funeral celebrant and end-of-life doula, I create ceremonies, conversations, and gentle support that honour the person at the centre of it all. Whether you need a compassionate guide, a steady presence, or simply someone to walk beside you through the hard bits, I’m here.
Reach out anytime — I’m only ever a message away.
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