Funeral Poems + Readings for Difficult People
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Traditionally, funeral readings emphasise positivity and inspiration, often celebrating the departed’s uplifting actions and the joy they brought to others. However, choosing a fitting funeral poem can be challenging, particularly when the relationship with the deceased was complicated or strained. This blog: Funerals Poems + Readings for Difficult People, offers a unique approach to honoring the departed in such circumstances.
Finding the right words to honor someone truthfully, yet respectfully, can be difficult. If you’re searching for a tribute that acknowledges the complexity of your relationship without causing undue distress, consider one of these specially curated funeral poems. These selections range from extending forgiveness to the departed, addressing those they may have hurt, and promoting healing. Each poem aims to help you say goodbye with both honesty and grace.
1. ‘A Bird in Mist’ by Anonymous
At times like this,
We may look through books for the perfect words
To give form to our feelings,
Make the thing complete,
Set the matter at rest.
Yet, in hours of searching,
Each piece lies rejected – too precise, too difficult, too sweet,
Too harsh, implying what we do not wish to say.
But, look into the grey wide sky,
And the thoughts will come like this:
Remember me when I loved you most and you loved me most.
Remember me when I was my bravest and I did you right.
Then, let that be our secret bond
And, let us rise in the morning and enjoy the light
And know that the bird in the mist is returning to the sun.
This poignant poem offers solace and comfort to those grieving the loss of a difficult person. Its gentle yet profound imagery invites reflection on the shared moments of love and bravery, allowing attendees to focus on the positive aspects of the deceased’s life. The poem’s message encourages remembrance of the most cherished moments, creating a secret bond that transcends any difficulties or shortcomings. By evoking the image of a bird returning to the sun through the mist, the poem symbolises the journey of the departed towards peace and light, offering hope and reassurance to those left behind. Overall, “A Bird in Mist” serves as a touching tribute that honours the complexity of human relationships while providing a sense of closure and comfort during a challenging time.
2. Unnamed by Kim Forrester
This is the time that tradition says we must stand and sing your praises,
Share tales of achievements and weep at the fond memories.
But what good are these pleasantries and platitudes
When they are written for someone we didn’t know;
When they speak of a potential that was never fully realised.
Not in this lifetime.
A life worth speaking of is not always one of inspiration and success.
There is dignity in the struggle of being human.
There is unfathomable strength in rising to endure each day
When those days are not steeped in hope and promise
But in despair, loneliness, and pain.
And there is authentic beauty in a life
That is tangled, complicated and confronting.
So no, we will not patronise you
With artificial words of joy, laughter and connection.
We will not render you invisible
So that we may be socially acceptable and painfully pleasant.
Instead, we will stand here, in the space you allowed for us.
We will honour you for the man you were able to be.
We will dignify you and the life that you had the capacity to live.
And we will shed tears for the many ways you touched our lives
In raw, real, joyful, painful, and complicated ways.
Son, brother, uncle, cousin, friend.
Humanly vulnerable, and perfectly imperfect.
Life battered you, and bruised you, and beckoned you on,
And formed you into the man we must now farewell.
We ask you to pass peacefully to the heavens above.
And know that, through it all, you have been loved.
This powerful poem challenges traditional funeral conventions and offers a raw and authentic portrayal of honouring a difficult person. It acknowledges the complexity of the deceased’s life, highlighting that not all lives are filled with inspiration and success. Instead, the poem celebrates the dignity found in the struggle of being human and the strength required to endure life’s hardships. By rejecting artificial words of joy and connection, the poem embraces the tangled and complicated nature of the deceased’s existence, affirming their humanity and imperfections. It acknowledges the pain and challenges faced by the deceased while also honouring the ways in which they touched the lives of others in both profound and imperfect ways. Through its honesty and vulnerability, “Unnamed” provides a genuine and heartfelt tribute that acknowledges the full spectrum of human experience, inviting attendees to honor the deceased for who they truly were.
3. ‘Don’t Judge Me’ by Kathleen Wilson
Don’t judge me, for I am just like you.
I can feel, I can love, and I can cry too.
Don’t curse me, for I have done you no wrong.
I only want the acceptance I have needed for so long.
Don’t laugh at me, for I am not laughing with you.
I see you’re laughing at me why is this true?
I may not even be who you think I am,
or even who you want me to be.
You wish for me to be more like you,
Why can’t you be more like me?
We both are made by one in the same.
We grew to be different, I’m not to blame.
Don’t judge me for I am just like you.
I can feel, I can love, and I can cry too.
This poignant poem challenges attendees at a funeral for a difficult person to withhold judgment and instead empathise with the shared humanity of the deceased. Through its simple yet powerful language, the poem urges against cursing, mocking, or laughing at the individual, emphasising their inherent worth and desire for acceptance. By repeating the refrain “Don’t judge me, for I am just like you,” the poem highlights the universal experiences of feeling, loving, and crying, reminding attendees of their own vulnerabilities and imperfections. It confronts the tendency to impose expectations or wish for conformity, urging instead for understanding and acceptance of differences. Ultimately, “Don’t Judge Me” serves as a plea for compassion and empathy, inviting attendees to honour the deceased’s humanity and complexity, despite any difficulties or misunderstandings that may have arisen during their lifetime.
4. ‘When I Come to the End’ by Mosiah Lyman Hancock
When I come to the end of my journey
and I travel my last weary mile,
just forget, if you can, that I ever frowned
and remember only the smile.
Forget unkind words I have spoken;
remember some good I have done.
Forget that I ever had heartache,
And remember I’ve had loads of fun.
Forget that I’ve stumbled and blundered
and sometimes fell by the way.
Remember I have fought some hard battles
and won, ere the close of the day.
Then forget to grieve for my going;
I would not have you sad for a day,
but in summer just gather some flowers
and remember the place where I lay,
and come in the shade of the evening
when the sun paints the sky in the west.
Stand for a few moments beside me
and remember only my best.
This heartfelt poem offers a comforting perspective on the end of life, inviting attendees at a funeral for a difficult person to focus on the positive aspects of the deceased’s journey. Through its gentle and reassuring tone, the poem encourages loved ones to let go of any negative memories or regrets and instead cherish the moments of joy and kindness shared with the departed. By urging attendees to forget the frowns and unkind words and remember the smiles and good deeds, the poem emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and appreciation for the complexities of human experience. It acknowledges the struggles and challenges faced by the deceased but emphasizes their resilience and ability to find joy and fulfillment amidst adversity. Ultimately, “When I Come to the End” encourages attendees to celebrate the life of the deceased with fondness and gratitude, honouring their legacy with love and compassion.
5. ‘Time Will Ease the Hurt’ by Bruce B Wilmer
The sadness of the present days
Is locked and set in time.
And moving to the future
Is a slow and painful climb.
But all the feelings that are now
So vivid and so real
Can’t hold their fresh intensity
As time begins to heal.
No wound so deep will ever go
Entirely away
Yet every hurt becomes
A little less from day to day.
Nothing can erase the painful
Imprints on your mind
But there are softer memories
That time will let you find.
Though your heart won’t let the sadness
Simply slide away
The echoes will diminish
Even though the memories stay.
In the midst of grief and sorrow at a funeral for a difficult person, this poem offers a message of hope and healing. Through its evocative imagery and poignant language, the poem acknowledges the profound sadness and pain experienced in the present moment, yet gently reassures that time holds the promise of easing the hurt. It acknowledges the enduring nature of emotional wounds, acknowledging that they may never completely disappear. However, the poem emphasises that with the passage of time, the intensity of pain diminishes, and softer memories begin to emerge. It acknowledges the importance of allowing oneself to grieve and hold onto memories, even as the echoes of sadness gradually fade. Ultimately, “Time Will Ease the Hurt” encourages attendees to find solace in the healing power of time, offering a message of comfort and reassurance during a challenging period of loss and mourning.
Conclusion- Funeral Poems + Readings for Difficult People
Finding the right words to honour someone with whom you had a difficult relationship can be a delicate task. With this selection of Funeral Poems and Readings for Difficult People, I aim to help you navigate this challenging moment with sensitivity and honesty. By choosing a tribute that reflects both the complexities and the potential for forgiveness and healing, you can say your final goodbye with integrity and compassion. Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge the full spectrum of your emotions and experiences as you bid farewell.
If you’ve found this blog helpful, you might also find inspiration in my other articles on death, dying, and funeral planning. Explore these related pieces for further insights and support as you navigate the complex journey of grief. Remember, you’re not alone—seeking additional resources can offer comfort and guidance on your path to funeral planning and healing.
As a funeral celebrant based in Newcastle and the Hunter Valley, I specialise in creating unique and meaningful funerals. My approach is centered on crafting memorable experiences that honour the lives of those who have passed. I understand that relationships are complex and I don’t make any assumptions about your relationship with the deceased. For more information about my services and how I work, please take a look at my funeral service offerings.
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very useful. Thank you. It’s really helpful to find some new poems about this situation.
Thank you so much. I was starting to feel helpless about planning a memorial service today and this absolutely gave me hope back! Thank you!