wedding expert Tag

I know that the wedding day can be a bit overwhelming for lots of people, but especially introverts, as it combines some of their least favourite things: being the centre of attention, getting their photo taken repeatedly, engaging in small talk and having minimal alone time.

A lot of modern wedding traditions are built for extroverts: the first dance, photo shoots and personalised hashtags all serve the purpose of making YOU the star of the day. That works for some, but I am mindful it’s not for everyone.

There are a lot of introverts and more private people out there who don’t feel comfortable with this level of attention—but that doesn't mean that they can’t have an amazing wedding day.

So if you're an introverted, shy or sensitive person, don't feel the pressure to conform to tradition, family pressure or Pinterest. Like all wedding planning, you have the power to make it work for you. Don’t let others make you feel bad for planning the wedding ceremony you want, especially if that means celebrating in front of just a small number of guests.

Introvert Extrovert Scale

1. Choose the right celebrant

Are they too high energy for you? Are they talking too much?

The right person will be sensitive to your needs. They should have the ability to see and meet you where you are at and make you feel comfortable.

I can normally tell from our initial interactions if I am dealing with an extrovert or an introvert. If I think someone is more on the introverted side of the scale, I focus less on chit-chat and try to get to the point quicker. I prefer to build rapport in a different, more substantive way. By the time the ceremony rolls around, we will have built a strong trusting relationship that will help calm your nerves on the day.

Georgina & John | Tocal Homestead | Philippa Enid Photography

Georgina & John | Tocal Homestead | Philippa Enid Photography

 

2. Ceremony Positioning

I know the idea of standing up in front of friends and family for the ceremony might feel uncomfortable. Rest assured, as your celebrant, I’ll take some of the heat off you. I’ll be there to engage and entertain the guests. You might be surprised to hear, you can get away with minimal speaking during your ceremony. You just have to say the legal vows. If you don’t feel comfortable facing the guests, you can face each other and just pretend it’s just you two up there. If you want to take it down a further notch, you could even consider sitting during the ceremony.

Couple hugging mid ceremony as celebrant Julie Muir reads script

Jess & Jord's Wedding in their backyard in Islington | Something Blue Photography | Julie Muir Celebrant | I love that the couple stood hugging during this ceremony

 

3. The Vows

If the idea of exchanging vows makes you break out in a cold sweat, I’ve got plenty of strategies to coach you through it including helping you write your vows and practicing them out loud.  But if you are dead-set that you don’t want to do personalised vows because it’s giving you a gut-wrenching feeling, I’ll respect that too. I’ve got a work-around where I ask you vow questions instead, where a simple ‘I do’ or ‘I will” is all you have to say. Or we can skip that part completely and you can write a private letter to your partner instead.

Groom nailing vows at Mindaribba House with Julie Muir as the Celebrant

Renae & Graeme's wedding at Mindaribba House | Woodland Creative Photography | Julie Muir Celebrant | Graeme had us all laughing and crying with his awesome vows.

 

4. Wedding Party Size

Consider keeping the wedding party small. It might sound counter-intuitive because you might think a big wedding party means the guests have more people to look at during the ceremony, but generally a bigger wedding party, means a bigger sense of occasion and possible more fuss or problems to manage. It will also mean the getting-ready part won’t be so hectic. The time before the ceremony begins should be calm, not frantic.

 

Groom lifting the bride for a kiss as guests clap

Thea & Conor's wedding at Cork, Ireland | Dara Munnis Photography | Julie Muir Celebrant

 

5. First Look

This quiet moment will allow for you to get out the jitters and nerves so you feel and look relaxed and comfortable for the rest of the photos. It can slow everything down and help avoid a frenzy.

Nathalie & Ben | Margan Winery, Broke | Keegan Cronin Photography

Nathalie & Ben | Margan Winery, Broke | Keegan Cronin Photography

 

6. Pre-ceremony meditation

Before the ceremony, meditation will help ease the nerves. If I am marrying you, I’ll happily do a meditation with you and whoever is around you, before you walk down the aisle, to ground you and bring you back into the moment.

Pre-ceremony meditation | Jack Chauvel Photography | voco Kirkton Park

Pre-ceremony meditation | Jack Chauvel Photography | voco Kirkton Park

 

7. Photo Policy

An unplugged ceremony might be best to avoid the paparazzi feel. You can set privacy as a priority by asking the guests not to post any photos of you to social media.

 

Unplugged Wedding ceremony Sign

Unplugged Wedding ceremony Sign

 

8. Congratulations Post-ceremony

Allocate a short time for the congratulations after the ceremony as this might be one of the most draining parts of the day for you. If it’s all too much, just ask the photographer to take the group photo and that will get you moving swiftly on to next part of the day and stop the bulk congratulations.

Emma & Lucas | Stanley Park | Ben Howland Photography

Emma & Lucas | Stanley Park | Ben Howland Photography

 

9. Recharge Time

After the congratulations, factor in recharge time. Identify a quiet and secluded space that you can retreat to so you can have a break before the next item on the schedule.

 

Rhian & Brent | Porteno Events, Surry Hills | Paq Photography

Rhian & Brent | Porteno Events, Surry Hills | Paq Photography

 

Lastly, try to keep at the forefront of you mind that the eyes on you are from those that love you the most. Being the focus of everyone’s attention can be intimidating, but remember, the ‘audience’ loves you and wants only the best for you.

Why it's ok to cry during your wedding ceremony blog by Julie Muir Celebrant
Why it's ok to cry during your wedding ceremony blog by Julie Muir Celebrant

Whether you normally bawl at the drop of a hat or can’t even shed a tear during The Notebook, there’s a good chance that you might cry on your wedding day.

So many couples confide in me that they are worried about crying during the ceremony, as they feel it’s a bit embarrassing. I disagree completely. There ain’t no shame or embarrassment in crying on your wedding day. Shedding a few tears just shows that you understand how important this milestone really is.

The reason for the tears is usually a mix of happiness, letting go and moving on to another stage of life.

You’re expressing your love in front of others, and celebrating your relationship—that can certainly get tears to flow in even the most hardened personality! I’ve seen so many dudes swear to me in meetings that they won’t cry, only to bawl on the day, and I love it.

When you well up, others will well up too. I promise you won’t be alone. I actually think you are giving your guests a gift. There aren’t many safe spaces you can cry, out in the open: a wedding day is a real opportunity for you and your guests to feel alive by feeling a broad range of emotions.

Groom crying during the ceremony | Folk & Follow Photography
Groom crying during the ceremony | Folk & Follow Photography

In my experience, there are normally a few times during the ceremony when you are most likely to cry:

The Processional (The Walking-in)

There has normally been a huge build-up to the wedding. So much running around and last-minute logistics that you don’t have time to think about the emotional element of agreeing to devote your life to someone. When the processional music starts, that’s normally the first chance you have had to actually be still, breath and feel, and it can hit you like a ton of bricks. My advise is to keep your eyes focused on your partner and LEAN IN to whatever emotions bubble up.

Groom crying during the ceremony | The Robertsons Photography
Groom crying during the ceremony | The Robertsons Photography
Father crying during the ceremony | The Robertsons Photography
Father crying during the ceremony | The Robertsons Photography

The Personalised Vows

If you and your partner have written your own personalised vows, this portion of the ceremony may cause you (and pretty much everyone in attendance) to cry at your wedding. A vow is a promise, and this exchange is all about promising to love and support your partner through good times and bad—so it’s bound to get pretty weepy when you’re reading your vows or listening to your partner’s. If you’re worried about tripping over your words in between sobs, remember that it’s okay to get emotional—it means that your words are honest and heartfelt. Also, the more you practice your vows the easier reading them will be, even if you do start crying. My advice is also to have a good mix of heartfelt vows and funny vows to break things up. It’s important to have the light and the shade.

Bridesmaids crying during the personalised vows | Woodland Creative
Bridesmaids crying during the personalised vows | Woodland Creative

The LOVE Story

All celebrants do the same thing in a legal sense. It doesn't matter which celebrant you book, they are going to marry you. So what differentiates the BEST CELEBRANTS from the rest? It's how they make you feel. It's the experience that they create for you and your guests. It's hard to describe. It's an intangible quality that they have to read the crowd and elevate the vibe. Not all celebrants have the skills to tell your love story in an engaging and authentic way. It's a fine line between boring and over-the-top. The best celebrants know how to create a space for you and your guests to FEEEEEEEEEL a range of emotions during the love story.

Guest crying during the ceremony | Folk & Follow Photograpjy
Guest crying during the ceremony | Folk & Follow Photography

So while I encourage all my couples to cry on their wedding day if they feel able, it also doesn’t mean anything if you don’t cry. Everyone expresses their emotions differently and not crying isn’t bad or wrong.

But, if you've hired a good photographer (and a good celebrant) then at least you'll know that if you get something in your eye, it might turn out tobe one of the best photos from the day.

 

FREE EMAIL SERIES

Ideas for Readings & Rituals

Love Quotes

What's Trending

Vendor Recommendations

& Lots More Ceremony Advice

+ A FREE downloadable checklist to help you change your name after you get married!

HOW TO PLAN AN AWESOME WEDDING CEREMONY

INSIDE YOU'LL FIND:

As a thank you for subscribing to my mailing list, you'll be given a FREE downloadable checklist to help you change your name after you get married. You can unsubscribe at any time.

FREE CHECKLIST

50+ Organisations Listed Covering...

Home, Health, Transport, Children, Pets, Subscriptions

Plus lots more you might not have even thought about

You still have to do the hard work of changing your name everywhere but at least you will have a plan

This checklist will make it a lot easier!

CHANGING YOUR NAME AFTER YOU GET MARRIED

INSIDE YOU'LL FIND:

By downloading this free eBook, you will be added to my mailing list. You can unsubscribe at any time.